I did it!

That's right, I did it. I wore my cap and gown and collected that piece of paper which said congratulations on it, now I simply await the letter through the mail which gives me my real degree.

It was an amazing experience to graduate. My essays had been mixed up at the library so it turns out that I never failed at all. So I went along on the day and met up with my friends since my parents were ariving later on. We laughed and joked and for some reason it never dawned on us that this may be the last time we ever see each other. I have no doubt in my mind that some of the people I've met over the three years, I will stay in touch with, I will see on a regular basis and will always share a connection with. On the other hand, however, I am also aware that some of those who I met and love, I may never see again.

Regardless of the sad fact that some of the people I've shared amazing times with, I may never see again, we smiled and laughed for the full day together. We told each other how proud we were of one another for managing to pass their degree and reminiced about some of the good times we'd spent together.

The actual ceremony was one hell of an experiecne. The nerves we had when we woke up that morning had disappeared when we had seen all the familiar faces of our friends who we trust so much. Then those nerves came back. We had managed to pass three years of uni, managed to get all our essays handed in and went into our lectures (sometimes) yet now, the thought of walking down some stairs, across a stage then up some stairs, was utterly terrifying. I have no idea why, there was nothing I was particulaly scared of, maybe triping and making a fool of myself but I knew how capable I was of walking. Then row by row we ascended to collect our diploma and after two seconds it was over. That was it. I was a graduate. I had a degree. After seeing the family and socialising with people I'd met once or twice. I decided to go meet the important people. The ones who had been there through everything, even those who I had only just gotten to know. They felt like my family. We met in the pub and laughed any worries away. We joked anout times where we'd seen each other fall flat on their face and told each other storied of how hard it was to find a graduation outfit (or suit in most cases as I was the only female out) Eventually it was time for home. Here I am now. The day after my graduation and I can't help but wonder.

What next?

How many times have I been told that you don't know what you've got until it's gone? Too many! Thing is I never quite believed it until now.

Here I am with my new internet connection watching Wimbolden. Just a normal day except for one thing. I'm doing it at my parents. Due to my tennancy running out on my student house I've had to move back in with the parents. Honestly it's not so bad, they're feeding me and mam is washing, drying and ironing everything for me. But knowing I never need to go back to Sunderland is killing me a little bit inside. Although I never thought the day would come when I miss Sunderland, being a Geordie and all that, it has. I miss it like I was born and brought up there.

Truth is though, that I did grow up there. I changed a lot and althouh I may not look any different to that 18 year old leaving high school, I think I've changed a lot. I've grown up and changed a lot of things in my mind. I've become a different person which I hope is for the better. I miss all my friends from uni and it makes me sad to think I may never see a lot of them again. Though I know they're the ones who I don't really care about seeing again.

Graduation is coming up and I know I'll see all those who matter to me then, but then what happens? I'm quite aware that after graduation, our friendships will fizzle out. I know that our lives will all take different paths and that we will all make new friends. We might see each other within our lifetimes but I wonder if we'll ever feel as close as we do now? Will we still laugh at silly little things. Will I still be able to go to one of my friends when I'm upset and cry on their shoulder while they say all the right things? I know that the chances are that in the future they won't even know the right things to say.

For now, however, I'm going to make the most of them. Love the time I have left with them and embrace the moments I have with my friends who I love. Those who are more like family to me than my real family. And hope that there'll always be some kind of connection between us all that keeps us together.

The world in my hands!

As you may know from my last post (or not if you've not read it) this week has been full of ups and downs.

I've never really known what I want to do with my degree. In fact, I've never really known why I did a degree in the first place. I've never wanted to sit behind a chair in an office and type things into a computer. When I was a kid all I wanted to be was a farmer, we grew up in a semi rural village and I knew a couple of people who lived on farms. I loved going over, playing with the animals and helping out whenever I could. That was my dream job.

As I've grown older my dreams have changed, although I would still love to be a farmer I came to the realisation that unless you inherit a farm it's extremely hard to become a real farmer. Second to this I've wanted to do something with music. One of my faverite books and films is High Fidelity and I've always dreamed of owning a record shop like they do on the film. I never in my life thought this dream would become a possibility until now. After lunch with a friend who I've not seen in ages it came to our attention that we want exactly the same things.

So here I am, planning to embark on the biggest adventure of my life. The best adventure of my life and the hardest. My degree has nothing to do with it but I know that with a little bit of spirit and a lot of dedication we can do it. So keep your fingers crossed for me guys! Please keep the hope that I can become a success.

Ups and downs.

This week's been a funny one. Graduation's coming up next month and although we've all had problems with uni, either disliking our lecturers or disliking our modules. One thing we can all agree on is that graduation is going to be amazing. There's a group of us who plan to all go out and get smashed on the night of graduation and possibly do yet another Jagerbomb challenge. So far the boys are beating me so much and I need to win one.
We've all by now paid for our seats. We've all measured ourselves for a cap and gown and paid for that. Those who need to book accomodation have done so and it's all becoming so exciting. Then I got some terrible news. I failed one of my modules so won't be graduating until September. As you can imagine I was devistated, my friends all get to graduate at the same time. They all get to throw their capsin the air and go crazy while posing for stupid amounts of photos. They also get to sneak out of the ceromony half way through and go to the pub as the plan is. I can't do that with them.
I rang my mam in floods of tears. I couldn't believe it. Uni's always been a bit of a nightmare to me, I couldn't really be bothered with it and didn't care what I got in essays so long as I passed. All I knew is that I wanted to graduate. Wanted to say bye to all my friends properly and have one last huge boozing session with everyone. It was the one bit of uni I couldn't wait for.
So this week I've been on the phone to countless numbers of people to tell them the news, they were all amazing and supported me and most of them said they'd come up in September for me graduating.
Then as they say, every cloud has a sliver lining. I got a phone call from my lecturer to discuss the refferal of my essay and asked if there was a graduation service for me later in the year. She mentioned that I can actually attend the graduation ceremony. I'll still be a graduating student so we can still have the big deal that comes with graduation. I was over the moon. Then good news seemed to follow for the rest of the day. Little things but it's one of those days where everything seems right.

Now all I need to do is enjoy it and ensure that I'm the girl who collects her diploma and gets a huge cheer from her fellow students. :)

Here's where it all starts.

Well, it's my first post. I've decided to make this one of those blogs that you see on TV, where someone writes about themselves and get millions of hits every day. I am quite aware, however that I will be lucky if I gain a few followers. But this is me. My life, my experiences. I hope you enjoy.

So I'm sat watching Into The Wild, I've seen it before when it was out at the cinema and I saw that it was on TV tonight too and thought why not watch it again. It's one of those films that I enjoyed yet did not enjoy at the same time. I thought the story was great but they beat around the bush quite a lot. However it always provokes me to think of how lucky I have life. I'm one of those people who are thankful every day that they are alive. More than that I have friends.

The film has a vital message to it, it's great to live life but if you do it alone there's no one to share your happiness with. I'm lucky I've always had someone there. All the amazing experiences I've had in life have been shared with someone close to me, regardless of how in touch I still am with that person, it means that when I want to laugh about something, I can laugh with someone. It means I have memories to share with people even if we are not as close as we are.

On one hand I long for the life the protagonist leads within the film, yet on the other hand I would hate it. I want to see the world for what it actually is but I want to do it with someone, not alone. I'm not the kind of girl who goes to Kavos or Magaluf for two weeks of drinking. I never have been. Even throughout uni I've never felt the need to go on holiday just to have a piss up. For me a holiday means so much more than this. It's about exploring the world and finding something new. The perfect holiday is the one where you don't want to sleep yet you have to. You don't want to sleep because every second is special, you fear that if you shut your eyes you will miss something and you live every day to the fullest. I'm lucky that in my experience of going on holiday, I've done this. I've shared it with someone close to me and I've loved life so much it sometimes hurts.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but if one person does and feels the same then I'm happy.

Stay tuned!